Large Python That Has Been Eating Port St. Lucie, FL Neighborhood's Cats Captured By Cops

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Cats have been disappearing in one Port St. Lucie neighborhood so when Sergeant John Holman was called to the 600 block of SE Faith Terrace Friday morning for a report of a deceased cat, he discovered what the culprit was.

Hidden inside some bushes, Sgt. Holman spotted a 12-foot long 120-pound Burmese Python.

Neighbors believe the large snake has been eating the cats.

The sergeant called for backup to help get the large snake from the brush.

With the help of backup, officers were able to extricate the snake, Sabol said. Four snakes, including the Burmese python, were added to the state’s no-import list in 2012.

Despite being included on the list in 2012, plus a cold-weather freeze in January 2013 that killed many snakes, pythons remain a serious threat and getting rid of them has proven difficult. A Burmese python can lay between 20-80 eggs each spring.

Friday links

Tomorrow is the 2,494th anniversary of the battle of Thermopylae.

How to Tell Whether You've Got Angst, Ennui, or Weltschmerz.

An interesting look at taxes and loopholes: How The Burrito Became A Sandwich.

Interesting vintage video describing how simple machines become more complex: How manual transmission works.

Some science for Guardian of the Galaxy fans: What Real-Life Plants Could Groot Have Evolved From?

The Strange Real-Life Origins of the Fiendish Werewolf.

ICYMI, Thursday's links are here, and include the Science of Star Wars, an (ok for work) instructional video from 1997 on How to Have Cybersex on the Internet, land ownership - How Far Above and Below Do You Own, and 33 Onion Stories That People Fell For.

Interesting vintage video: How manual transmission works

Interesting look at how simple machines become more complex.  I'll bet your kids/grandkids have no idea how things like this work.

via Geekpress

Does Mailonline know clickbait or what? Gallery of the 27 women competing in Brazil's Miss Bum Bum contest

Go there to see individual photos - here's the whole group, and here's a Huffpo article on last year's winner:

Thursday links

The Science of Star Wars: droids, holograms, Tattoine, the Death Star, lightsabers and more.

Instructional video from 1997: How to Have Cybersex on the Internet (OK for work).

11 Ways Kids Used to Soup-Up Their Bikes.

If You Own Land, How Far Above and Below Do You Own?

Videos: Things You Can't Do When You're Not a (1) Toddler, (2) Cat or (3) Dog.

33 Onion Stories That People Fell For.

ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include reverse dog shaming, an interactive map of the wealthiest person in each state, a gallery of women who don't understand eyebrows, and things to know about reviving the recently dead.

Videos: Things You Can't Do When You're Not a (1) Toddler, (2) Cat or (3) Dog

Things You Can't Do When You're Not a Toddler:

Things You Can't Do When You're Not a Cat:

Things You Can't Do When You're Not a Dog:

via Tastefully Offensive

Instructional video from 1997: How to Have Cybersex on the Internet

The video should be OK for work - if you follow the link to the 1996 Playboy spoof, it may not be.

From Found Footage:

This 1997 instructional video can’t decide whether to be informational or sexy and, as a result, succeeds at neither. Tedium has never been this topless.

This reminded me of an article that circulated via email in the late 90's - I've posted it separately because I consider it NSFW (due to a humorous take on subject matter that would probably not be safe for work).

This spoof of cybersex from Playboy circa 1996 is a hoot (NSFW)

Here's a sample:

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

This spoof of cybersex from Playboy circa 1996 is a hoot (NSFW)

I went looking for this article after seeing the Instructional video from 1997: How to Have Cybersex on the Internet. I remember it circulating via email - I couldn't find a link to the original, but I believe it was written by Greg Grabianski and published in Playboy circa 1996.

Realistic Cybersex

How to succeed with women, virtually.

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner... it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: { [logged off]

Cattle gather from all over for farmer playing the trombone

This farmer's something of a comedian (see What Does The Fox Say parody below).



What Does The Farmer Say:

Kid (apparently) gives the best ever man-on-the-street county fair interview

He's never been on live television before.



via 22 words

Crime spree du jour - Counterfeit $1 bills are showing up in Montana

BUTTE – Counterfeiters in Butte have hit a new low.

Police say the most recent criminals are unique, though probably a bit misguided – they are making $1 bills.

“It’s very odd. I’ve never seen a dollar counterfeited before in my life,” Butte-Silver Bow Undersheriff George Skuletich said.

“It just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense,” he added.

So far, seven fake $1 bills have surfaced in the Mining City. The culprits took the time to mark different serial numbers on the bills, but failed to cut them evenly.

“Be aware of dollar bills that are crooked,” Skuletich said.

One of the fake bills was reported after an inmate at the Butte Prerelease Center attempted to use it to purchase a soda pop from a vending machine last Tuesday.

Authorities generally confiscate $20, $50 and $100 bills. This fraudulent cash also is softer than real money.

“They were not very well produced,” he added.

Police were tipped off to the fake bills after a young man used $7 worth to purchase items at Hastings over the weekend. The bill weren’t found until employees later counted the money.

The last rash of counterfeit bills in Butte involved much better produced bills of high denominations.

At least $1,100 in $100 bills were confiscated in April. That case is being investigated by the Secret Service in Missoula.

Police linked that amount to a man trying to use the fake money to wire funds at Butte stores. The bills have the same serial numbers.

The man, a Butte resident who has not been charged, told officers he received $3,000 in cash from his Nigerian sweetheart, whom he met on the Internet, and apparently was unaware the money was counterfeit.

via @Jamestaranto

Guardians of the Galaxy clip: teaching an alien warrior about the Legend of Footloose and the great hero Kevin Bacon

Clip from Guardians of the Galaxy includes teaching an alien warrior about the Legend of Footloose and the great hero Kevin Bacon.

via Geekpress

Never Speed In Virginia: Lessons From My Three Days In Jail

Jalopnik driver Patrick George was pulled over for speeding during a test drive and spent 3 days in jail.

I find this of interest because I live in Virginia - last year I got a ticket for doing 30mph in a 25mph zone (on the street where I live) because, although I wasn't speeding, I had "disobeyed a traffic sign". Basically cops can, and do, stop you if they feel like it.

Mr. George's story is rather fascinating:

When I was pulled over during a press drive earlier this summer, I had been living in Washington D.C. for about a year and a half. In that time, I had been warned repeatedly — by ex-Virginia resident Matt Hardigree, by many of our readers, and by a host of other people — that you don't ever speed in Virginia. But I had no clue just how serious the consequences would be. Maybe "serious" isn't the right word. After everything that happened, "ridiculous" seems a little more accurate... 

I should probably explain why going into Virginia to have fun in a car is a bad idea in the first place. See, they're crazy about speeding there. Really, really crazy. Speed limits are set absurdly low, 45 mph on some highways. Radar detectors are illegal, and cops have devices to detect them. And if you get caught going over 80 mph at all, that's automatically a reckless driving charge.

Reckless driving is not a traffic citation, it's a criminal charge, and a Class One misdemeanor at that. That means it's the highest level of misdemeanor you can be charged with in Virginia, right below a felony. The maximum penalty for a reckless driving conviction is a $2,500 fine, a six month driver's license suspension, and up to a year in jail.

See what I mean when I told you it's serious? They hand it out like it's Halloween candy, too. You drive 20 mph over the limit, it's reckless driving. They even charge you with it for failing to properly signal, or when you're found to be at fault in a car wreck. 

Go to Jalopnik and read the whole thing. 

NSFW: Video compilation of every Samuel L. Jackson MF-bomb (171 of them from 27 movies)

NSFW - language.

Here's the breakdown - you might think (as I did) that Pulp Fiction would be the winner, but it's actually in second place behind Jackie Brown:

"School Daze" (1988): 1 motherfucker
"Jungle Fever" (1991): 7 motherfuckers
"Strictly Business" (1991): 1 mother- what
"Menace II Society" (1993): 5 motherfuckers
"True Romance" (1993): 4 motherfuckers
"Fresh" (1994): 1 motherfucker
"Pulp Fiction" (1994): 26 motherfuckers
"Die Hard: With a Vengeance" (1995): 7 motherfuckers
"Hard Eight" (1996): 1 motherfucker
"The Great White Hype" (1996): 2 motherfuckers
"The Long Kiss Goodnight" (1996): 3 motherfuckers
"Jackie Brown" (1997): 37 motherfuckers
"The Negotiator" (1998): 2 motherfuckers
"Rules of Engagement" (2000): 5 motherfuckers
"Shaft" (2000): 13 motherfuckers
"Formula 51" (2001): 6 motherfuckers
"Basic" (2003): 2 motherfuckers
"In My Country" (2004): 1 you mother- [choke move]
"Freedomland" (2006): 1 motherfucker, 1 brotherfucker
"Snakes on a Plane": 3 motherfuckers
"Black Snake Moan" (2006): 6 motherfuckers
"Soul Men" (2008): 24 motherfuckers (2 bleeped), 2 mother-
"Arena" (2011): 1 motherfucker
"Meeting Evil" (2012): 1 motherfucker
"Django Unchained" (2012): 4 motherfuckers
"Oldboy" (2013): 8 motherfuckers
"RoboCop" (2014): 1 motherfucker (bleeped)

via HuffPo, which adds

From childhood, saying “motherfucker” and other swears was the only thing that helped Jackson overcome his debilitating stutter, and at last count he has spelled the phrase at least 151 unique ways on Twitter.

Monday links

Reverse dog shaming.

Interactive Map of The Wealthiest Person in Each State.

Gallery: Women Who Don’t Understand Eyebrows.

With all the WW1 centennial retrospectives going on, this seems appropriate: the WW3 speech prepared in 1983 for the Queen.

The story of the 1776 plot (from within) to murder George Washington and his senior officers.

Why Do Songs Get Stuck in Your Head?

9 Things to Know About Reviving the Recently Dead.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, including a Huxley vs Orwell infographic, cooking with lava, Dr. Seuss mashups, and Apple's 1986 fashion line.

Someone needs to give this woman her own cooking show (NSFW language)

Aunt Fee Makes ‘Sweet Treats for the Kids’:

and baked chicken:

Country song of the week: I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore

Country music is waaaay outside my area of expertise, but this is totally stuck in my head. He's a "deep-fried, double-wide version of the man I was before":

Hamas ceasefire cartoon of the day

Previous edition here: John Kerry/Hamas negotiation cartoon of the day:

via Legal Insurrection

Reverse dog shaming

There are lots of sites with posts on dog shaming, but this is the first time I've seen dogs shaming their humans:

More here, via Tastefully Offensive.