Since 2011, Jimmy Kimmel (wiki) has asked parents to tell their kids they ate all the Halloween candy and to film their reactions. Here's the 2016 version (previous years below):
ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here, and include Australia Day (the first convict-carrying fleet arrived in Australia on January 26, 1788), vintage photos of terrible steam-train accidents, the evolution of Lucky Charms, and PSAs on movie theater etiquette from 100 years ago.
I ran across this on Twitter and couldn't stop laughing:
It reminded me of this old article from The Onion - I can't find it on their site any longer:
Study Reveals: Babies are Stupid (May 21st, 1997)
LOS ANGELES - A surprising new study released Monday by UCLA's Institute For Child Development revealed that human babies, long thought by psychologists to be highly inquisitive and adaptable, are actually extraordinarily stupid.
The study, an 18-month battery of intelligence tests administered to over 3,500 babies, concluded categorically that babies are "so stupid, it's not even funny."
According to Institute president Molly Bentley, in an effort to determine infant survival instincts when attacked, the babies were prodded in an aggressive manner with a broken broom handle. Over 90 percent of them, when poked, failed to make even rudimentary attempts to defend themselves. The remaining 10 percent responded by vacating their bowels.
It is unlikely that the presence of the babies' fecal matter, however foul-smelling, would have a measurable defensive effect against an attacker in a real-world situation," Bentley said.
Another test, in which the infants were placed on a mound of dirt outdoors during a torrential downpour, produced similarly bleak results.
"The chicken, dog and even worm babies that we submitted to the test as a control group all had enough sense to come in from the rain or, at least, seek shelter under a leafy clump of vegetation or outcropping of rock," test supervisor Thomas Howell said. "The human babies, on the other hand, could not grasp even this incredibly basic concept, instead merely lying on the ground and making gurgling noises."
According to Howell, almost 60 percent of the infants tested in this manner eventually drowned.
Some of the babies tested were actually so stupid that they choked to death on pieces of Micronaut space toys. Others, unable to use such primitive instruments as can openers and spoons due to insufficient motor skills, simply starved to death, despite being surrounded by cabinets full of nutritious, life-giving Gerber-brand baby-food products.
Babies, the study concluded, are also too stupid to do the following: avoid getting their heads trapped in automatic car windows; use ice to alleviate the pain of burn injuries resulting from touching an open flame; master the skills required for scuba diving; and use a safety ladder to reach a window to escape from a room filled with cyanide gas.
"As a mother of four, I find these results very disheartening," Bentley told reporters. "I can honestly say that the effort I have expended trying to raise my children into intelligent beings may have been entirely wasted, a fool's dream, if you will."
Study results also prompted a strong reaction from President Clinton. "All of us, on some primitive, mammalian level, feel a great sense of pride in our offspring," Clinton said. "It is now clear, however, that these feelings are unfounded. Given the overwhelming evidence of their profound stupidity, we have no choice but to replace our existing infant population with artificially incubated simu-drones, with the eventual goal of phasing out the shamefully stupid human baby forever." - The Onion
Barnkanalen, the Swedish childrens’ TV channel, adds this item, called “Hurra for Mens!” [English translation: “Hurrah for Monthlies!”] to the emerging category of menstruation music videos for children.
In Swedish with English subtitles - behold the dancing tampons:
Here’s a earlier video about dancing tampons, set to the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker.
These come along quite rarely, and the next opportunity to see one will be in 2033. It's also nice (and not easy!) to find things that will give kids a better understanding of, and hopefully interest in, the mechanics of astronomy.
What's actually happening is a confluence of three things. The moon will be full and in its closest point in its orbit around the Earth, making it a so-called supermoon. In addition to this, a lunar eclipse will occur. In other words, the Earth will line up directly with the sun and moon, directly between the two, Wolf said. So the "moon will completely fall in the shadow of the Earth," he said.
Because a lot of light scatters off the Earth's atmosphere, the moon will not look completely dark but have a coppery red color — hence the blood moon moniker.
The moon will be at its closest orbital point to Earth as well as in its brightest phase, so it will appear bigger and more brilliant than usual—30% brighter and 14% larger than when it's at its farthest point (apogee), a difference of 31,000 miles. Sunlight sifting through the outer bounds of Earth’s atmosphere en route to the moon will cast that signature gory glow, making it both a blood moon and a super moon.
West coast kids will be have the best view - totality is between 10:11 and 11:23 eastern time, so just after sunset Pacific time, plus the kids will still be awake and the weather tonight looks as though it will be much clearer out there.
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include a collection of dubious and obsolete medical remedies, two boys who tunneled out of Kindergarten to go buy a car, money-begging letters home from medieval college students, and a patent for a training system for walking through walls.
Obviously they should be doing a lot more of this.
Chicago’s WGN-TV welcomed a special guest meteorologist to the show last week, a local second grader named Charlie Hale. Between the kid’s charisma (read: lots of jumping and Calvin and Hobbes-inspired dancing) and catchphrases complete with jazz hands (“LET ME TELL YOU!”, “LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!”), Hale pretty much OWNS the segment. Let’s just give him all the awards, OK?
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, including making and eating the worst of the Jello recipes from the 1950s, the evolution (devolution?) of toilet training. and lots of Talk Like a Pirate Day stuff.
ICYMI, Thursday's links are here, including Samuel Johnson's Scotland-bashing, Pony Express history, how Richard III died, and weird ways to stop lava.
ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include reverse dog shaming, an interactive map of the wealthiest person in each state, a gallery of women who don't understand eyebrows, and things to know about reviving the recently dead.
