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Friday, December 18, 2015

Classic Christmas drunken fruitcake recipe: Check the whiskey. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

I actually know someone who likes fruitcake, but for most people it makes an excellent gag gift; the obvious advantage is that it can be re-gifted for years.


1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon whiskey

1. Take a large bowl.

2. Check the whiskey to be sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

3. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat butter in large bowl.

4. Add sugar and beat again.

5. Check the whiskey again. Cry another tup. Or two.

6. Turn off the mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl, along with the dried fruit.

7. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

8. Sample the whiskey again to check for consisticity.

9. Sift the salt. Or something. Who cares.

10. Check the whiskey again.

11. Sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts. Add one tablespoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever.

12. Grease the oven.

13. Set the cake pan to 350 degrees.

14. Beat off the turner.

15. Throw the bowl out the window and finish what’s left of the whiskey.

Related: here are 15 Fun Facts About Fruitcake. And, no matter how this turns out, you can always save it for January 3, which is National Fruitcake Toss Day.

1 comment:

  1. This is a bit called "Cooking With Raiford" FROM John Boy & Billy's morning show. Go to and search the Bit Box. The audio is really hilarious.