Miscellaneous Thanksgiving stuff: Mark Twain, science, WKRP turkey drop episode, more

I've accumulated a LOT of Thanksgiving-related links over the years, so I've divided them up - here's the first set.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

~ Jon Stewart

In 1939, the U.S. celebrated Democrat Thanksgiving and Republican Thanksgiving.

Science answers the important questions: Why you’ll still have room for pie after turkey and stuffing. Related, The Turkey-Tryptophan Myth and What Goes on in Our Stomachs After Eating Too Much?

Cartoon (The Oatmeal): Thanksgiving as a kid VS Thanksgiving as an adult.

Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for - annually, not oftener - if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months, instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and to extend the usual annual compliments.

~ Mark Twain Autobiography

WKRP Turkey Drop episode: "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"

Gratius animus est una virtus non solum maxima, sed etiam mater virtutum omnium reliquaram.

~ Marcus Tullius Cicero, Oratio pro Cnaeo Plancio, 23

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the mother of all other virtues.

Benjamin Franklin’s account of the First Thanksgiving.

Turkey fryer alert: 86 year old man deep fries own leg. Or as he calls it, his drumstick.

If you're actually going to fry a turkey, you might consider Alton Brown's advice on how to construct a derrick over your turkey fryer (video). 

Pi vs Pie.

The voices of Christopher Walken and John Madden: The First Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving in 1810, 1910, and 2010. Related: Celebrating Thanksgiving in the 1800s.

Monday lin ks

November 25 is "Evacuation Day (wiki), when the British ran 'way" from New York City at the end of the Revolutionary War. Here's the story of the young man who slithered up a greased flagpole to rip down the British flag.

What Happens When Birds Get Drunk?

You Can’t Keep Your Parents’ Skulls.

The traditional drunken turkey recipe.

The Japanese Invasion of Alaska.

Zenith Flash-Matic, the First Wireless TV Remote.

ICYMI, most recent links are here, and include the Thanksgiving birthday pattern, the history of Ken Doll's crotch, how female turkeys choose mates and avoid rejects (although they're generally artificially inseminated these days), and the wave-light flight patterns of a starling flock avoiding a falcon.

The traditional drunken turkey recipe

For those of us who combine our cooking and drinking...

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

Friday links

A few ruminations on growing old, plus the Thanksgiving birthday pattern.

How Elephant Poop Becomes Fancy Paper in Sri Lanka.

The History of Ken Doll's Crotch.

A Scientific Look at How Female Turkeys Choose Their Mates (and get rid of the rejects). Plus, artificial insemination.

The Starling and Falcon Dance.

Criminal decides to break into the house of an experienced medieval combat re-enactor, who keeps a carbon-steel double-headed battle axe that he calls, "my baby": "Police K-9s followed the trail of blood to apprehend the suspect."

ICYMI, most recent links are here, and include the chemicals that give autumn leaves their colors, why ice is slippery, exploring an old mental hospital, and an 18th century guide to hunting vampires.

A Scientific Look at How Female Turkeys Choose Their Mates (and get rid of the rejects). Plus, artificial insemination.

By the way, although this may be what happens in the wild, in real life the turkey industry is built on artificial insemination. The modern turkey has such large breasts that they physically gets in the way when the male and female try to mate.

...the turkey industry is built around artificial insemination, which is a very labor-intensive and hands-on process. Here’s the way it works: A team of workers has to pick up each male breeder, the tom, which might weigh as much as 70 pounds, secure his contribution — as they call it in the trade — and then bring that to the hen house to inseminate each hen. And then keep in mind — with such an intense consumer demand for turkey — this is not a once-a-year event. 

Per Dr. Richard Buchholz:

With its fanned plumage and bold strut, a male wild turkey’s display conjures images of Americana and festive feasts. But this grandstanding isn’t intended for human eyes – it’s for female turkeys who actually use it to discern a male’s genetic prowess.

This female has figured out how to get rid of a male - just make him dizzy until he falls over:

Monday links

The Gettysburg Address was seven score and fifteen years ago: here's some history and a brief video with contemporaneous photos and illustrations. Related: Pennsylvania newspaper prints retraction (written in the style of the Gettysburg Address) for 1863 article calling Gettysburg address "silly remarks".

Napoleonic refugees in America.

I'd forgotten all about the USFL: Donald Trump’s Misadventures in Professional Football.

President James Garfield's birthday - when he was shot, Alexander Graham Bell showed up with a metal detector to try to locate the bullet. 

Three Centuries After His Beheading, a Kinder, Gentler Blackbeard Emerges.

There's still time to gather all of the ingredients: The traditional drunken turkey recipe.

ICYMI, most recent links are here, and include Veterans Day links, why pencils are yellow, hair washing advice from the 12th and 17th centuries, and football physics.

Monday links

Yesterday was President James Garfield's birthday - when he was shot, Alexander Graham Bell showed up with a metal detector to try to locate the bullet.

The Astounding Engineering Behind the World's Largest Optical Telescope.

A Gallery of Color Photos of the 1939 New York World's Fair.

The traditional drunken turkey recipe.

Spend Bill Gate’s Money

Farmers urged to bury their underpants to improve quality of their beef.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include the anniversaries of the Gettysburg Address and the opening of the Suez Canal, 3 foot long crabs that hunt birds, the pigeon’s rump cure for childhood seizures, and what it's like to be an Amazon.com "fake" reviewer.

Wednesday links

Field Marshall Erwin Rommel was born on November 15, 1891.

When The Photographer Asks You to Look Seductive…

Your house is a gigantic bug habitat, and there's nothing you can do about it.

A Scientific Look at How Female Turkeys Choose Their Mates (and how they avoid the rejects).

Death Rays: The X-Ray Murder Trial That Made International News.

Is a Cat a Liquid? A 2017 Ig Nobel Prize winner explains his work.

ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here, and include making a 10-year malt whisky in weeks, self-help lessons from Napoleon Bonaparte, and some of the best newspaper corrections ever.

Monday links

Six ways to modify your baseball bat into a zombie-killing weapon: real versions and an infographic.

The Origins of 10 Nicknames

Back When Your Thanksgiving Dinner Walked Hundreds of Miles to Market: The forgotten history of turkey drives.

What not to watch just before flying: this airplane crash supercut.

In World War I, man-lifting kites were developed for aerial reconnaissance. 

Bringing Ancient Meals to Life.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include the history of mirrors, a video compilation of every gadget from every James Bond film, in chronological order, why eating boogers may be good for your health, and kids re-enacting the first Black Friday.

Roasting a turkey with a drone mounted flamethrower

One of the many potential uses for drones - this is excellent, although I can see that there's a lot of potential for collateral fire damage:

via Ace.

Related links:

Manly Ways to Prepare Turkey. 

Video: Watch this guy cook a turkey using Lamborghini exhaust fire.

Wednesday links

Before it was Veterans Day it was Armistice Day, for the fallen of the First World War: here's some history.

The unified theory of all zombie fiction.

Canadian Farmer Finds Her Flock of 550 Sheep Hidden in Plain Sight.

A Scientific Look at How Female Turkeys Choose Their Mates (and how they avoid them).

This Spray Can Attachment Converts Photos Into Graffiti.

Characters from Classical Paintings Inserted Into the Modern World.

ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here, and include 2015 winners plus a selection of greats from the Bulwer-Lytton (he of "It was a dark and stormy night" fame) bad fiction writing contest, worst character on television tournament, football physics, hamster anatomy, and why you should drink more whiskey.