Here's How You Can Lick Doberman's Leg Sores (and other journalism bloopers)

From Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge, a collection of newspaper bloopers collected by the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism: 

Former President Enters Dinah Shore

Babies Are What The Mother Eats

More of us will live to be centurions

Despite our best efforts, black employment is still rising

Retired priest may marry Springsteen

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

British left waffles on Falklands

Here's How You Can Lick Doberman's Leg Sores

Sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout line at supermarket

Sharon To Press His Suit In Israel

Man minus ear waives hearing

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years

Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award

Students cook and serve grandparents.

Lots more here. Thanks, Charlie.

Friday links

Sunday will be Guy Fawkes Day, when God preserved us from the "secret contrivance and hellish malice of Popish Conspirators".

How Researchers Uncovered a Massive Void In The Great Pyramid of Giza.

Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend: here's DST history (including Ben Franklin's proposal), stories and video. Related: A new American revolution is starting in New England -- against Daylight Saving Time.

French Regulators Approve Human Trial of a Bionic Eye.

The Sticky, Untold Story of Cinnabon.

ICYMI, Tuesday's links were here, and consist entirely of Halloween-related stuff - history, pumpkins, costumes, and candy. 

Roundup of funny colonoscopy videos

For those of us of a certain age, who have to think about these things...

The Colon is a Mighty Big River:



Here's to the Colorectal Surgeon:



Dave Barry on his colonoscopy. Article here.

From The Simpsons, Homer's colonoscopy:

The Colonoscopy Song - Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary:

Lou Rawls/Damon Wayans Colonoscopy Exam:

Polyp Man Sings and Dances on Ice (with Lyrics):

Update - Miss Cellania at Neatorama had posted this one a few years ago:

Gastroenterologist Patricia Raymond is also a comedienne known as The Divine Ms. Butt Meddler. Here she sings her way into your ...heart, with a song about what your first colonoscopy will be like. 

The same doctor borrowed the tune from The Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady:

The Hole In Your Rear (from the classic Broadway musical "My Fair Colon")

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Mother****ers (definitely NSFW)

From McSweeney's, originally published October 20, 2009 - they republish it each Autumn:

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

via

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

Happy Birthday, Rita Hayworth: here's an excellent compilation of her dancing, set to Stayin' Alive

October 17th is the anniversary of the birth of superstar American movie actress and dancer Rita Hayworth (1918-1987) in Brooklyn. Born Margarita Carmen Cansino to two professional dancers, Hayworth started dance lessons at an early age and in 1927 moved with her family to Hollywood, where her father had hoped to land dancing parts in the movies. Finding minimal success, he formed a dance act with his daughter, and since she was too young to appear in night clubs in California, they performed across the border in Tijuana. 

This 1941 photograph of Rita Hayworth
became one of the most popular
pin-ups among U.S. servicemen during
 World War II. Life magazine, however,
 decided it was too risque to put
on their cover

Hayworth's career really took off in the early 1940s, and by 1944, when she appeared with Gene Kelly in Cover Girl, she was one of the hottest stars in Hollywood, and in Charles Vidor's erotic film noir, Gilda (1946), she established herself as a leading femme fatale. 

She was married and divorced five times, and counted among her husbands Orson Welles, Prince Aly Khan* (by whom she had two daughters), and Dick Haymes. Late in life, she suffered from alcoholism and died of Alzheimer's disease in New York City in 1987.

She was quoted in 1977 as saying, 

"Men fell in love with Gilda, but they wake up with me."

Dancing in Tijuana when I was 13 - that was my "summer camp." How else could I keep up with Fred Astaire when I was 19?

~ Rita Hayworth (New York Times, 25 October 1970)

This has been around for a while, and will make you feel like dancing all day.  Watch full screen:

Clips:

"Down to Earth": 0:00 / 1:03 / 2:46 / 4:20
"You'll Never Get Rich": 0:14 / 0:24 / 0:28 / 0:46 / 2:35 / 3:16 / 3:49
"Tonight and Every Night":  0:20 / 1:11 / 1:22 / 1:36 / 1:54 / 1:55
"Cover Girl": 0:34 / 0:38 / 1:13 / 1:48 / 2:13 / 3:07 / 3:29 / 3:31 / 3:54 / 4:06 / 4:31
"You Were Never Lovelier": 0:50 / 2:20 / 2:42 / 3:00 / 4:10 / 4:38
"Gilda":  1:17 / 2:04
"Miss Sadie Thompson": 1:38 / 1:46 / 4:28
"My Gal Sal": 1:42 / 3:23 / 3:35 
"Pal Joey": 2:00 / 3:20 / 3:41
"Affair in Trinidad": 2:05 / 2:52 / 3:04 

* N.B. A son of Aga Khan III, the head of the Ismaili Muslims, Aly Kahn (1911-1960) was a fabulously wealthy international socialite and playboy, who later served as Pakistan's representative to the United Nations. He was married to Rita Hayworth between 1949 and 1953).

Related:

Gene Kelly's birthday: here the famous "Singin' In The Rain" dance.

It's Fred Astaire's birthday - here are clips of some of his best dancing

video h/t ‏@GarySinise