Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son - toilet paper advice

My favorite quote from Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son* (wiki) (to his illegitimate son, that is; he (Chesterfield) was trying to raise him (the son) above his (the son's) lowly origins and inferior blood):

"I knew a gentleman, who was so good a manager of his time, that he would not even lose that small portion of it, which the calls of nature obliged him to pass in the necessary-house; but gradually went through all the Latin poets, in those moments. He bought, for example, a common edition of Horace, of which he tore off gradually a couple of pages, carried them with him to that necessary place, read them first, and then sent them down as a sacrifice to Cloacina*: this was so much time fairly gained; and I recommend you to follow his example.

It is better than only doing what you cannot help doing at those moments; and it will made any book, which you shall read in that manner, very present in your mind. Books of science, and of a grave sort, must be read with continuity; but there are very many, and even very useful ones, which may be read with advantage by snatches, and unconnectedly; such are all the good Latin poets, except Virgil in his "Aeneid": and such are most of the modern poets, in which you will find many pieces worth reading, that will not take up above seven or eight minutes."

*Full text available at Gutenburg.

**Cloacina was the Roman goddess of sewers. She is named for cloaca, the Latin for sewer or drain. 

Remains of a shrine to her can still be today seen in the Forum in Rome, where she watched over the Cloaca Maxima or the Great Sewer. 

Pliny (the Elder) refers to the signa Cloacinae, two statues standing on the shrine. It was described and depicted in The Roman Forum: its History and its Monuments, written in 1909.

A short poem asking Cloacina to intercede in one's bathroom business is attributed to Lord Byron:

O Cloacina, Goddess of this place,
Look on thy suppliants with a smiling face.
Soft, yet cohesive let their offerings flow,
Not rashly swift nor insolently slow.

Turkey’s top religious body allows use of toilet paper

Are there people who consider the opinion of various authorities when they decide on bathroom behavior? Apparently this is the case - recently, in the "government in your bathroom" category, there was this: German man went to court, won the right to pee standing up. Meanwhile, back in Turkey...

Turkey’s Directorate of Religious Affairs (Diyanet) has released a fatwa stating that usage of toilet paper is permissible within Islam, though it emphasized that water should be the primary source of cleansing. 

Reminding that for a prayer to be religiously legitimate, one’s body, clothes and the place where the prayer is to be performed should be free of items defined as “unclean” by Islam, the fatwa said the cleaning should be conducted with water. 

“If water cannot be found for cleansing, other cleaning materials can be used. Even though some sources deem paper to be unsuitable as a cleaning material, as it is an apparatus for writing, there is no problem in using toilet paper,” read a part of the statement.

More at Hurriyet. 

Here's my favorite quote on the subject of toilet paper, from Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son (to his illegitimate son, that is; he (Chesterfield) was trying to raise him (the son) above his (the son's) lowly origins and inferior blood):

"I knew a gentleman, who was so good a manager of his time, that he would not even lose that small portion of it, which the calls of nature obliged him to pass in the necessary-house; but gradually went through all the Latin poets, in those moments. He bought, for example, a common edition of Horace, of which he tore off gradually a couple of pages, carried them with him to that necessary place, read them first, and then sent them down as a sacrifice to Cloacina*: this was so much time fairly gained; and I recommend you to follow his example. 

It is better than only doing what you cannot help doing at those moments; and it will made any book, which you shall read in that manner, very present in your mind. Books of science, and of a grave sort, must be read with continuity; but there are very many, and even very useful ones, which may be read with advantage by snatches, and unconnectedly; such are all the good Latin poets, except Virgil in his "AEneid": and such are most of the modern poets, in which you will find many pieces worth reading, that will not take up above seven or eight minutes.

Related: What Did People Use Before Toilet Paper?

*From Wikipedia: In Roman mythology, Cloacina (Latin, cloaca: "sewer" or "drain") was the goddess who presided over the Cloaca Maxima ("Great Drain"), the main trunk of the system of sewers in Rome.

Ogden Nash - The Common Cold (with bonus Lord Chesterfield)

Because I refer to it somewhat often (as in, whenever a friend and/or family member is ill), I thought I'd make this easy to find. If you're unfamiliar with Nash, buy one of his books and keep it in the bathroom.

The Common Cold

Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!

You shall not sneer at me. 

Pick up your hat and stethoscope, 

Go wash your mouth with laundry soap; 

I contemplate a joy exquisite 

I'm not paying you for your visit. 

I did not call you to be told 

My malady is a common cold. 

By pounding brow and swollen lip; 

By fever's hot and scaly grip; 

By those two red redundant eyes 

That weep like woeful April skies; 

By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff; 

By handkerchief after handkerchief; 

This cold you wave away as naught 

Is the damnedest cold man ever caught! 

Give ear, you scientific fossil! 

Here is the genuine Cold Colossal; 

The Cold of which researchers dream, 

The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme. 

This honored system humbly holds 

The Super-cold to end all colds; 

The Cold Crusading for Democracy; 

The Führer of the Streptococcracy. 

Bacilli swarm within my portals 

Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals, 

But bred by scientists wise and hoary 

In some Olympic laboratory; 

Bacteria as large as mice, 

With feet of fire and heads of ice 

Who never interrupt for slumber 

Their stamping elephantine rumba. 

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth! 

Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth; 

Don Juan was a budding gallant, 

And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent; 

The Arctic winter is fairly coolish, 

And your diagnosis is fairly foolish. 

Oh what a derision history holds 

For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

Although I'm not suggesting that you use them in this manner, it's impossible for me to think of bathroom books without thinking of Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son (to his illegitimate son, that is; he (Chesterfield) was trying to raise him (the son) above his (the son's) lowly origins and inferior blood):

I knew a gentleman, who was so good a manager of his time, that he would not even lose that small portion of it, which the calls of nature obliged him to pass in the necessary-house; but gradually went through all the Latin poets, in those moments. He bought, for example, a common edition of Horace, of which he tore off gradually a couple of pages, carried them with him to that necessary place, read them first, and then sent them down as a sacrifice to Cloacina: this was so much time fairly gained; and I recommend you to follow his example. It is better than only doing what you cannot help doing at those moments; and it will made any book, which you shall read in that manner, very present in your mind.