Prohibition in the United States began on January 16, 1920 and ended on December 5, 1933

The precursor to the "war on drugs":

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. 

~ H. L. Mencken (1880-1956) (A Book of Burlesques, "Sententiae") 

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially inactivity in the affairs of others. 

~ Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) (The Devil's Dictionary) 

Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded. 

~ Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) (speech, 18 December 1840 to the U.S. House of Representatives) 

The prohibition law, written for weaklings and derelicts, has divided the nation, like Gaul, into three parts - wets, drys, and hypocrites. 

~ Florence Sabin (1871-1953) (speech, 9 December 1931) 

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

~ W. C. Fields (1880-1946) (attributed) 

Prohibition (wiki) began on January 16, 1920, which was the effective date of the 18th amendment to the U.S. Constitution: it was a national ban on the sale, manufacture, and transportation of alcoholic beverages in the United States. An outgrowth of the temperance movement, which had been gathering momentum during the entire 19th century, Prohibition got a final impetus from World War I, which prompted the Congress to pass the 18th amendment in December 1917.* Ratification (by 36 of the 48 states) came on 16 January 1919, and the Volstead Act implemented the measure a year later.** 

Prohibition - highly unpopular - was only weakly enforced by the federal government, and thousands of "speakeasies" - many controlled by organized crime - quickly appeared to satisfy the nation's thirst. The illegal importation and distribution of booze soon became a major source of income for "the Mob" and led to the infamous gang wars of the late 1920s and early 1930s. 

Several states had banned alcohol prior to the federal ban, and in Illinois there was an organized attempt by a group of women to use telepathy to influence the outcome of local votes: the Temperance Thinkers mobilized some 500,000 women to dress all in white and to direct thought waves at voters. “Women arrayed in white will assemble at the polls,” described one paper, “and by concentrated mental effort endeavor to influence the men."

On December 5th, 1933, prohibition in the United States of America came to an end with the ratification of the 21st Amendment***. After 13 years, the country's attempt to ban the booze had ended.

The video below shows a newsreel from the time, documenting the 'happy news for the grain raisers of the United States and for many others throughout the land'. I like this quote: "The problems with legislating morality soon became abundantly clear":

* N.B. To save grain for the war effort, a temporary prohibition measure was enacted just after the Armistice and went into force in July 1919. More over, the discrediting by the war of the large German-American community, strong objectors to Prohibition, diminished the opposition. Similarly, it has also been claimed that the absence of a large proportion of American men - serving in France - had a significant effect. 

** Named for Minnesota representative Andrew Volstead (1860-1947), the act defined the alcoholic products affected, stated enforcement procedures, and set out the penalties for violation. It was passed over President Wilson's veto.

In the 21st Amendment Congress gave individual states the right to regulate alcohol as they saw fit, a move that created a dazzling array of confusing alcohol control laws under seemingly arbitrary regulatory agencies.

Here's Milton Friedman (wiki), at age 93, regarding drug prohibition:

"I do not think the state has any more right to tell me what to put in my mouth than it has to tell me what can come out of my mouth. Those two are essentially the same thing, and they are both essential elements of freedom."

My maternal grandmother was the president of the Poughkeepsie, NY chapter of the Women's Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) - there were 4 members and they met monthly (or thereabouts). Her four sons tried many times over her life to sneak a few drops of something into her lemonade or iced tea, but as far as I know they never succeeded and she went to her grave never having had alcohol pass her lips.

Related:

Winston Churchill's Doctor's Note Allowing Him to Drink "Unlimited" Alcohol in Prohibition America.

1860s series of photos illustrating the '5 stages of inebriation'.

How a Wine and Cocaine Cocktail became Coca Cola.

The Pig Got Up And Slowly Walked Away

Here's Rudy Vallee:

"You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away:



Lyrics (alternatives here):

PIG GOT UP AND SLOWLY WALKED AWAY

(Music: F W Bowers / Lyrics: Benjamin Hapgood Burt)

Frank Crumit - 1934
Johnny Bond - 1966
Jim Croce - 1975

Also recorded by: Sam Hinton; Rudy Vallee;
Harry Belafonte; Clinton Ford; Acker Bilk.

One evening in October
When I was about one-third sober
And was taking home a load with manly pride
My poor feet began to stutter
So I lay down in the gutter
And a pig came up and lay down by my side

Then we sang "It's All Fair Weather"
And "Good Fellows Get Together"
Till a lady passing by was heard to say
She says, "You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away

Yes, the pig got up and slowly walked away
Slowly walked away, slowly walked away
Yes, the pig got up and he turned and winked at me
As he slowly walked away

I also well remember
One evening in November
When I was creeping home at break of day
For in my exhilaration
I engaged in conversation
With a cab-horse, right on the corner of Broadway

I was filled up to the eyeballs
With a flock of gin and highballs
So I whispered to the cab-horse old and grey
I says, "It's these all-night homeward marches
That gave us both our fallen arches."
And the old horse laughed and slowly walked away

Yes, the old horse laughed and slowly walked away
Slowly walked away, he slowly walked away
And the old horse laughed and he turned and winked at me
As he slowly walked away
As he slowly walked away

Tuesday links

Happy Feast of the Ass!

Alcohol tolerance might have saved our ancestors from extinction, scientists claim.

A 1918 Remedial Introduction to "Politics" for Newly-Enfranchised Women in the U.K.

Richard Feynman’s “Notebook Technique” Will Help You Learn Any Subject–at School, at Work, or in Life

The Science Behind Why Dark Winter Days Bum People Out.

The Folklore of Gin.

ICYMI, most recent links are here, and include Pachelbel's Canon In D performed by train horns, National Geographic’s 100 best photos from 2019, the history of robocalls, and a cumulative list of the Darwin Awards.

Excellent: (A Biologist’s) St. Patrick’s Day Song

The science of drinking.

Thursday links

This Bill of Mortality shows the death tally of all city parishes in London for the week of Aug 15 - 22, 1665. The Plague is the number 1 cause of death, followed by various fevers, consumption, and Griping in the Guts.

From 1822 - Kite-Drawn Carriages.

A short history of the master bathroom.

Scorpions are almost always milked by hand, which is why their venom is worth $39 million per gallon.

World’s oldest surviving melody is 3400 years old.

How Much Money Do You Save by Cooking at Home?

ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include Stonewall Jackson's birthday (and his left arm's separate grave),  how duct tape is made, life in ancient Mongolia, Britain's worst ice skating accident,(which left 41 dead), and that time the doctors pumped 15 cans of beer into a patient's body.

Ben Franklin's 200+ synonyms for “drunk”

Here are 200+ Synonyms for “Drunk”, alphabetically arranged, first published by Franklin in the Pennsylvania Gazette on January 6, 1737 (and later in The Drinker's Dictionary) with this intro:

"The Phrases in this Dictionary are not (like most of our Terms of Art) borrow'd from Foreign Languages, neither are they collected from the Writings of the Learned in our own, but gather'd wholly from the modern Tavern-Conversation of Tiplers. I do not doubt but that there are many more in use; and I was even tempted to add a new one my self under the Letter B, to wit, Brutify'd: But upon Consideration, I fear'd being guilty of Injustice to the Brute Creation, if I represented Drunkenness as a beastly Vice, since, 'tis well-known, that the Brutes are in general a very sober sort of People."

A

He is Addled,

He's casting up his Accounts,

He's Afflicted,

He's in his Airs.

B
He's Biggy,
Bewitch'd,
Block and Block,
Boozy,
Bowz'd,
Been at Barbadoes,
Piss'd in the Brook,
Drunk as a Wheel-Barrow,
Burdock'd,
Buskey,
Buzzey,
Has Stole a Manchet out of the Brewer's Basket,
His Head is full of Bees,
Has been in the Bibbing Plot,
Has drank more than he has bled,
He's Bungey,
As Drunk as a Beggar,
He sees the Bears,
He's kiss'd black Betty,
He's had a Thump over the Head with Sampson's Jawbone,
He's Bridgey.

January 17 is Ben Franklin's birthday - bio, quotes, videos, his 200 synonyms for drunk, the bodies found in his basement, and more

If you would not be forgotten,

When you are dead and rotten,

Either write things worth the reading,

Or do things worth the writing.

~ Benjamin Franklin (wiki) (Poor Richard's Almanack, May, 1738) 

Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.

~ Ibid., December 1743

It would be a hard government that should tax its people one-tenth part of their income.

~ Ibid.

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

~ Franklin (letter to M. Leroy, 1789) 

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

~ Franklin

Political cartoon by Franklin urged
 the colonies to join together
during the French and Indian War

Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day.

~ Franklin (Autobiography, Ch. 9) 

I should have no objection to go over the same life from the beginning to the end: requesting only the advantage authors have, of correcting in a second edition the faults of the first.

~ Ibid., Ch. 1 

Benjamin Franklin Drawing Electricity from
 the Sky c. 1816 at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, by Benjamin West

January 17th is the anniversary of the birth of American statesman, philosopher, and scientist Benjamin Franklin (wiki) (1706-1790) in Boston. After apprenticing with his brother as a printer, Franklin settled in Philadelphia, published The Pennsylvania Gazette, and gained a wide circle of readers with his Poor Richard's Almanack (1732-1757). Entering civic affairs, he was eventually appointed Postmaster General for the colonies (1753-1774) while also dabbling in a variety of scientific pursuits, including his famous experiment with a kite in a thunderstorm. 

Before the Revolution, Franklin spent a total of 14 years representing the Pennsylvania Assembly in England, attempting to achieve reconciliation with the home country. Failing that, he was elected to the Continental Congress in 1775 and signed the Declaration of Independence the next year. Appointed to represent the American colonies in France, he spent the next nine years in Paris and helped negotiate the peace with Britain in 1781. After his return to the United States, Franklin served as a member of the Constitutional Convention and died three years later. On the separation of church and state, he wrote in 1790,

"When a religion is good, I conceive it will support itself, and when it does not support itself, and God does not take care to support it so that its professors are obliged to call for help of the civil power, 'tis a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one."

My favorite bit of Franklin lore remains his 200+ synonyms for “drunk”, alphabetically arranged, first published in the Pennsylvania Gazette on January 6, 1737 (and later in The Drinker's Dictionary) with this introduction:

"The Phrases in this Dictionary are not (like most of our Terms of Art) borrow'd from Foreign Languages, neither are they collected from the Writings of the Learned in our own, but gather'd wholly from the modern Tavern-Conversation of Tiplers. I do not doubt but that there are many more in use; and I was even tempted to add a new one my self under the Letter B, to wit, Brutify'd: But upon Consideration, I fear'd being guilty of Injustice to the Brute Creation, if I represented Drunkenness as a beastly Vice, since, 'tis well-known, that the Brutes are in general a very sober sort of People."

Here's some guy dressed as Franklin reciting the list.

And then there's... That Time They Found Those Bodies in Ben Franklin's Basement:

From 1757 to 1775, Ben Franklin lived in an elegant four-story Georgian house at No. 36 Craven Street in London during his time as an ambassador for the American colonies. In late 1998, a group calling itself Friends of Benjamin Franklin House began to convert the dilapidated building into a museum to honor Franklin, whose other home in Philadelphia had been razed in 1812 to make way for new construction (a "ghost house" frame now sits on the site).

One month into the renovations, a construction worker named Jim Field was working in the basement when he found something odd: a small pit was in a windowless basement room. Inside, sticking out of the dirt floor, was a human thigh bone.

The police were called and supervised excavation continued. More human bones were pulled up. And more. And more, until some 1,200 pieces of bone were recovered. Initial examinations revealed that the bones were the remains of 10 bodies, six of them children, and were a little more than 200 years old. Their age discouraged any interest from Scotland Yard, but piqued the curiosity of historians and the Institute of Archaeology. The bones' age meant they may have been buried in the basement around the same time that Franklin was living in the house.

Read the whole thing here. More on the bodies in his basement here.

Franklin is known to have played the violin, the harp, and the guitar. He also developed the glass harmonica seen in this video:

Here's a brief (two minute) animated bio:

More on Franklin during the French and Indian War.

Wikipedia has more on his inventions and scientific studies, including (without limitation), work on electricity, ocean currents, population, the wave theory of light, and meteorology.

Monday links

November 5 is Guy Fawkes Day: God preserved us from the "secret contrivance and hellish malice of Popish Conspirators".

Man uses teeth to pull 677-ton cargo ship.

Telegraph operators were the first to know news of the Civil War, which arrived in code. Related: how the breaking news spread in 1776.

Political maps of the United States from 1850 and 1880.

The Nazi Werewolves Who Terrorized Allied Soldiers at the End of WWII. 

Lab-Made Whiskey and Wine.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include Daylight Saving Time history (including Ben Franklin's satirical proposal), the science of chocolate, personal eating knives if Medieval Europe, 16th century eyebrow interpretation, and that time Supreme Court Justice Rehnquist proposed to Supreme Court Justice O'Connor.

Monday links

July 9th is Nikola Tesla's birthday: bio, Tesla coil music, Tesla vs Edison rap battle, history, videos and links.

How Alcohol and Caffeine Helped Create Civilization.

Making the World’s Largest Lemon Battery for a Lemon-Powered Car.

Fashion Ads From The 1970s. Be warned - you can't unsee these.

Science: U.S. women have a significantly larger mean breast volume than women born in other countries.

Why the U.S. Navy Once Had a Concrete Ice Cream Barge

ICYMI, most recent links are here, and are all Independence Day-related: Lincoln's 1858 speech on the eternal meaning of Independence Day plus speeches from Coolidge (1926) and Reagan (1986), the text of the Declaration of Independence, founding fathers stories, how the breaking news spread in 1776, the science of fireworks and of barbecue, and Independence Days from science fiction.

Friday links

June 30, 1934 was the Night of the Long Knives, Hitler's purge of those standing in his way.

How the Second World War Made America Literate.

News you can use: How To Tell If You've Been Abducted By Aliens.

How tree trunks are cut to produce lumber with different shapes, grains, and uses.

The Uniquely Texan Origins of the Frozen Margarita.

Dancing at the Lunatic’s Ball at the  New York City Lunatic Asylum on Blackwell’s Island.

ICYMI, Thursday's links are here, and include DARPA's re-invention of the wheel, DIY V-steaming instructions, chocolate chip cookie science, and the anniversary of both the event that started World War One and the treaty that ended it.

Friday links

June 24 is the birthday of Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary.

The Weird and Very Long History of State Liquor Laws.

This explains a lot: In 1950, the U.S. Released a Bioweapon in San Francisco.

Awkward Pregnancy Photos.

The surprisingly interesting history of Pyrex.

Traditional Japanese Spider Fighting.

ICYMI, Thursday's links are here, and include the summer solstice, a gallery of cars with propellers, healthy summer advice from 1656, and the unsuccessful Cold War-era attempt to eavesdrop via transmitters implanted into cats:

"CIA staffers drove Acoustic Kitty to the park and tasked it with capturing the conversation of two men sitting on a bench. Instead, the cat wandered into the street, where it was promptly squashed by a taxi."

Thursday links

Whatever is dreamed on this night, will come to pass; the summer solstice is this morning (June 21) at 6:07 AM Eastern Time. Related, Fridgehenge: to celebrate the solstice, British guy recreated Stonehenge using old refrigerators. 

Gallery: Cars with Propellers.

During the Great Depression, ‘Penny Restaurants’ Fed the Unemployed.

How to Have a Healthy Summer: Advice from 1656: you'll need to drink feebl green Wine and eschue the company of women.

Operation Acoustic Kitty: (Unsuccessful) Cold War attempt to eavesdrop via transmitters implanted into cats. 

"CIA staffers drove Acoustic Kitty to the park and tasked it with capturing the conversation of two men sitting on a bench. Instead, the cat wandered into the street, where it was promptly squashed by a taxi."

Alcohol - is there anything it can't do? Drunk People Are Better at Creative Problem Solving.

ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include the anniversary of the 1815 Battle of Waterloo (including, of course, a Lego re-enactment), the sport of motor-ball (AKA soccer on motorcycles), prayers to stop a dog from barking, and where to hit someone to do the most damage.

For your wino mom or wife on Mother's Day: FlaskScarf, tampon flasks, or the Wine Rack

Check out the FlaskScarf for women; they come in a variety of colors and stripes and have a hidden bladder than can hold up to 8-ounces of booze (or whatever). When you're thirsty just suck on your scarf!

From the makers the FlaskTie for men:

If your mom isn't a scarf person, there's always the classic tampon flask (which comes in a set of five!) or the Wine Rack, which would, since it holds 25 ounces of liquid in it's bra-shaped bladder, probably have some make-mom-look-like-Dolly-Parton properties :

Slightly classier are these fake lotion containers, which are actually very highly rated:

Happy Mother's Day!

From 1799, a list of risk factors for spontaneous combustion, plus more recent science

The list (see below) is part of this rather fascinating Lapham's Quarterly article on alcohol-induced spontaneous Human Combustion (wiki) ("SHC"). The article includes accounts of some of the 18th century reports of SHC as well as more details on the relationship between these reports and the Temperance movement. 

By 1799, there were enough cases on record for one physician, Pierre Lair, to identify some patterns and recurring characteristics of victims of spontaneous human combustion:

1. Victims were older, usually over 60.

2. Victims were overweight.

3. Victims led inactive lives.

4. Victims were alcoholics (the temperance movement latched onto this one).

5. Women were more prone to spontaneously combust than men.

6. At the scene there was often an external flame, such as a candle or fireplace.

7. Combustion was extremely rapid.

8. The flames were difficult to extinguish.

9. The flames produced a strong empyreumatic odor.

10. The surrounding room was coated with a thick, yellow, greasy film.

11. The first usually consumed the trunk of the body, but left the head and extremities intact.

12. Accidents occurred during fair weather, and more often in winter than in summer.

Lair also ranked various spirits in terms of their likely contribution to Spontaneous Combustion: gin, followed by brandy, whiskey, and finally, rum.

It's interesting to compare this list to more recent attempts to determine whether the phenomenon is real or possible: A Cambridge professor has tackled the issue of spontaneous combustion – using belly pork.

Prof Brian J Ford is a research biologist and author of more than 30 books, most about cell biology and microscopy but he has turned his attention to the mechanisms behind why people ‘explode’.

He said in an article in New Scientist (behind subscription firewall): “One minute they may be relaxing in a chair, the next they erupt into a fireball. 

“Jets of blue fire shoot from their bodies like flames from a blowtorch, and within half an hour they are reduced to a pile of ash.

“Typically, the legs remain unscathed sticking out grotesquely from the smoking cinders. Nearby objects – a pile of newspapers on the armrest, for example – are untouched.”

Prof Ford wanted to disprove the alcoholism theory and also something called the ‘wick effect’ suggested by London coroner Gavin Thurston in 1961.

Thurston had described how human fat burns at about 250c, but if melted it will combust on a wick – such as clothes or other material – at room temperatures:

“I felt it was time to test the realities, so we marinated pork abdominal tissue in ethanol for a week.

“Even when cloaked in gauze moistened with alcohol, it would not burn.

“Alcohol is not normally present in our tissues, but there is one flammable constituent in the body that can greatly increase in concentration.” 

The body creates acetone, which is highly flammable. He added: 

“A range of conditions can produce ketosis, in which acetone is formed, including alcoholism, fat-free dieting, diabetes and even teething.

“So we marinated pork tissue in acetone, rather than ethanol.

“This was used to make scale models of humans, which we clothed and set alight.

“They burned to ash within half an hour.

“For the first time a feasible cause of human combustion has been experimentally demonstrated.”

More:

Further reading on the wick effect and on SHC.

io9 has an article from 2011: 10 Cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion

Monday links

Abraham Lincoln was born on February 12, 1809.

The Strange Beauty of Soviet Bus Stops.

How Wild Animals Self-Medicate.

How to Prevent Drunkenness, per 1612.

The House That Spied on Me.

The true story behind Burt Reynolds' centerfold.

ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include an 1861 Victorian sex manual, dubious studies on how 1. alcohol cleans toxins from your brain and 2. McDonald's fries cure baldness, and the classic 1970 exploding whale video from the early days of the internet (plus the Dave Barry column that made it famous).

Friday links

The classic 1970 exploding whale video from the early days of the internet, and the Dave Barry column that made it famous.

An Italian village is selling homes for $1.25 so it doesn't become a ghost town.

Watch Beetles Shoot Hot Chemicals From Their Butts to Escape Toad Bellies. This has to be a metaphor for something - discuss amongst yourselves.

Check out this 1861 Victorian sex manual - it's chock full of useful information.

Alcohol Helps Clean Toxins From the Brain, Study Shows. This reminds me of the theory that alcohol thins the brain cell herd, as it were, by killing off the slower neurons and, therefore, contributing to the overall health of the herd. Not buying it. 

Kind of related to the above: Chemical found in McDonald’s fries may be cure for baldness, study finds. The new healthy diet - alcohol and McDonald's fries. 

ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include the physics of sunsets, World Nutella Day (with a canonical list of Nutella recipes), the world's oldest bottle of wine, NatGeo's visit to the coldest city on earth, and the last photo taken of President Abraham Lincoln.

Tuesday links

Prohibition in the United States began on January 16, 1920: here's some history, contemporaneous newsreels, the women who tried to telepathically influence the vote, Abraham Lincoln and Milton Friedman.

The Forgotten History Of How Automakers Invented The Crime Of 'Jaywalking'.

Why Do Toll-Free Numbers Start With 800?

The Ultimate Paper Airplane.

Tequila is good for your health, according to top scientists.

Why do we call gadgets "doohickeys?"

ICYMI, Monday's links are here, and include the 1918 Flu pandemic, Napoleon’s descendants, the 99th anniversary of Boston's deadly 2.3 million gallon molasses flood, and neurological disorders in Alice in Wonderland.

A roundup of hangover science and cures

Some links to avoid becoming philogrobolized: 

Your Complete Guide to the Science of Hangovers

Infographic on the Anatomy of a Hangover

Hangover Cures From Famous Heavy Drinkers

Scientists Find a Way to Cut Wine Hangovers. 

5 Really Strange Ways to Cure a Hangover

Dark Liquor Makes For Worse Hangovers

How to Cure a Hangover. 

According to a study in the Journal of Food Science, the amino acids and minerals found in asparagus extract may alleviate alcohol hangover and protect liver cells against toxins.

SciShow on the science of hangovers:

A roundup of hangover science and cures

Some links to avoid becoming philogrobolized: 

Your Complete Guide to the Science of Hangovers

Infographic on the Anatomy of a Hangover

15 Historical Hangover Cures 

Hangover Cures From Famous Heavy Drinkers

Scientists Find a Way to Cut Wine Hangovers. 

5 Really Strange Ways to Cure a Hangover

Dark Liquor Makes For Worse Hangovers

How to Cure a Hangover. 

According to a study in the Journal of Food Science, the amino acids and minerals found in asparagus extract may alleviate alcohol hangover and protect liver cells against toxins.

SciShow on the science of hangovers:

Related: Ben Franklin's 200+ synonyms for “drunk”, alphabetically arranged.

James Thurber's fable "The Bear Who Let It Alone"

Thurber's fable The Bear Who Let It Alone:

In the woods of the Far West there once lived a brown bear who could take it or let it alone. He would go into a bar where they sold mead, a fermented drink made of honey, and he would have just two drinks. Then he would put some money on the bar and say, "See what the bears in the back room will have," and he would go home. But finally he took to drinking by himself most of the day.

He would reel home at night, kick over the umbrella stand, knock down the bridge lamps, and ram his elbows through the windows. Then he would collapse on the floor and lie there until he went to sleep. His wife was greatly distressed and his children were very frightened.

At length the bear saw the error of his ways and began to reform. In the end he became a famous teetotaler and a persistent temperance lecturer. He would tell everybody that came to his house about the awful effects of drink, and he would boast about how strong and well he had become since he gave up touching the stuff. To demonstrate this, he would stand on his head and on his hands and he would turn cartwheels in the house, kicking over the umbrella stand, knocking down the bridge lamps, and ramming his elbows through the windows.

Then he would lie down on the floor, tired by his healthful exercise, and go to sleep. His wife was greatly distressed and his children were very frightened.

Moral: You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.